I’ve always said it wasn’t hugely surprising to anyone that X & I ended up taking this step in our relationship. Anyone who has actually taken the long stretch of time, trial & error to get to know me saw it coming even if I didn’t.

“Wow” you’re probably saying to yourself “you must have been a giant whore!” and you’d be sorta right with that guess.

Several lifetimes ago in 2008, while living in rural Hell, I decided it was high time I got myself a job. I was 19, had been living with X for 4 years & hadn’t done much except fail to stay in high school, dropping out with a baby on my hip. I felt useless as hell not being able to help financially contribute. I had tried every bullshit thing the internet had to offer back then to make money online. And even when it hadn’t been a scam, it wasn’t enough.

I finally hit a breaking point when we were struggling to afford food. I gathered all my awkward “last year as a teenager, but actually somehow an adult” courage & walked my way to the local grocery store to apply.

I filled out the app, turned it in & got an interview on the spot. The manager invited me into his office & before he even introduced himself told me I’d “have to dye my hair a normal color”. Uhhh, I was under the impression red WAS a normal color, even if this particular shade of firetruck red didn’t occur in humans naturally.

Alright then.

Clearly my first attempt to blend into capitalism as an adult were going a little rockier than I had expected walking out the door that day.

He checked out my application as I tried to explain my situation. Without hearing a single word I said he cut me off to blurt out “You’d have to cover that tattoo so long sleeves would be necessary anytime you’re at work & let that nose piercing heal.” At the time I had very few body modifications, a single nostril piercing & a tattoo of a fully dressed clown hench-wench that takes up maybe 2×4 inch on my upper arm.

My heart dropped. I knew this was coming, but I figured I’d done alright getting “acceptable” modifications that were easy enough to hide if need be. By this point, we’d lived in rural hell for a year or so. I knew exactly how much anything out of the norm scared the shit out of these people and had tried to make mold myself to the specifications I’d always dreamed of while not ruffling too many feathers. I had not been very successful…

I swallowed my pride & told him I’d comply with whatever company policy was if they gave me a chance. I had a baby, X’s job wasn’t paying for shit, we needed money. I was desperate & I’m sure it showed on my face plain as day, as much as I tried to hide it.

He smirked at me & told me to dye my hair & come knock on his door again sometime. My stomach churned. I quietly grabbed my purse, said the usual bullshit pleasantries that pass for goodbye in this situation & walked home with what I can only describe now as stubborn resolve.

As X went to work that night, I got to work googling “how to make money on the internet”. Within a week, I had a plan.